I don't know who i'm any more. I have this personality, and it's fucked up, but it's me. And i see myself becoming this person who does the right thing, who says the right thing but it's not me.

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If only my life can be more like the movies. I want an angel just swift down like he does to Jimmy Stewart in "It's a wonderful life" and talked me out of suicide. I've always waited for that one moment of truth to set me free and change my life for ever but he wont come. It doesn't hapend that way. All the drugs, all the therapy, fights, anger, guilt, Rafe, suicidal thougths, all of that was part of some slow recovery process. The same way I went down, I came back up. Gradually and then suddenly...