ASLEEP

I hear all this voices. People asking desperately for help. All the yelling…

It makes me think I am crazy.

All the time I live with the feeling something is necessarily going wrong. That some tragedy is about to happen. That is only a matter of time.

I had my own personal tragedies but these ones are not alike. They track me down. They are going to find me. I live knowing this, I feel it, I hear it in my head.

When I’m falling asleep, while I’m hearing some music, I have to stop it because I’m practically sure there’s someone screaming or so.

I guess I’m afraid of these things because is very possible for them to happen. I certainly didn’t think all the crap that happened to me was actually going to happen, but it did.

I don’t want to live like this. I don’t want the first thing I come up with every time the phone rings is that someone I love is dead, or kidnapped, or committed suicide.

Why can’t you save anybody?

I want to start living, mostly because is getting to late for me already. I feel like I’m being anchored to a pile of sad shit. Everybody has moved on, it wasn’t easy, but they all have. I can’t move. I can’t do what I love or what I think I love. I can’t do what I’m supposed to do either. I’m drowning in my own self, with the voices living in my mind, just wondering ¿When it’s going to be my time?  

C

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