T- I
owe you an apology.
L- It's okay. Don't talk about it.
T- Soy you forgive me?
L- I wouldn't push your luck. You know, heads up would
have been nice...you know, nothing major, just...just a quick e-mail. You know,
"Hey, Laura. Hey. I saw you last night and countless others over the last
ten years and not excluding the four years we dated in collage and the year we
got back together to try again, and the handful times we've slept together
since. But you know that Lila and I are together now and though I've struggled
endlessly with this predicament, we both know the inevitable so don't be
surprised when she calls you and asks you to be her maid of honor".
Although, you know what? There's another approach. It's less direct, but same
effect. "Hey Laura, great seeing you last night. Great movie, great meal,
great sex. But the problem is...greatness makes me sick. I'll see you at the
wedding". You know, on the other hand...I mean...look, ten years of a
loving friendship, sporadic incredible sex, scattered with nights so fun they
explained the evolutionary purpose of talking! Not to mention the time that we
clocked together, listening to music, driving with no destination. I guess this
beautiful mess is best ended without notification. Probably better.
T- I'm sorry.
L- Don't be, it was a gift. An act of cowardice so
complete disqualifies a person from consideration.
T- I tried to do what I thought it was right okay? It's
not like I came at this lightly.
L- Oh, no...
T- Laura, you're the one who broke up with me.
L- Oh, fuck you!
T- Laura, we were seniors in collage!
L- Don't even start.
T- What did you want to do? Get married at 21? What is
this? 1950?
L- No, it isn't.
T- We were too far apart! I was trying to finish my
dissertation, practically living in the library! You were doing God knows what
in New York City, fending off your hipster boyfriends!
L- If you are gonna patronize me, try to think of
something a little more original.
T- We gave it a collage try out, Laura.
L- Yeah, we did.
T- It was an accident of timing.
L- Wow. And let me guess. Your proposal was an accident
too? You got the wrong woman? Give me a freaking break.
T- You know what? What difference does it make? Just
stop talking.
L- Yeah, you know what? I think that would be a very
good idea.
T- Come here. Listen to me. I was a lifeguard in
high-school, remember?
L-
Yeah, I remember.
T-
It was my favorite summer job.
L- You
and every other guy in America.
T-
I would sit in that chair itching to get out, dying to get into the water. And
after eight hours my shift would end and I would make a break for it. But as
soon I get into the water the strangest thing happened: I would start to panic.
L-
Ambivalence is a disease, you know. An actual mental illness.
T-
That’s not funny.
L-
Let me guess, when you were a kid you would order chocolate ice cream, then immediately
wish you’d gotten vanilla?
T-
That’s not what I’m talking about.
L-
No, I get it. You’re torn between two women.
T-
What I’m trying to say is… I’m afraid of the ocean.
L-
I’ll remember that the next time I swim on your cock.
T-
You think you have some kind of special gift for knowing what’s in my heart.
L-
No! No, I think we both do for each other!
T-
Has it occurred to you that I need a woman like Lila?
L-
What kind of woman is that?
T-
I don’t know. Somebody happy.
L-
Meaning numb.
T-
Somebody practical.
L- Meaning
busy.
T-
Confident.
L-
Meaning rich.
T-
Somebody stable, who doesn’t have to tear others down to build themselves back
up!
L-
Oh, so in other words you’re polar opposite!
T-
Yeah, maybe.
L-
Well, haven’t you heard? Opposites attract and then bore each other to death!
T-
Boring is better than maddening.
L-
I’d rather die of excitement.
T-
Hey!
L-
What?!...Do you remember that paper, junior year?
T-
Yeah, of course. “The Hopeless Romantics: Misconceptions of a Movement”.
L- Yeah,
only you could start a 50 page paper the night before.
T-
And still get an A.
L-
Because I wrote it.
T-
You maybe wrote half of it.
L-
“Ode to a nightingale. A love song to inspiration”.
T-
The Romantics weren’t writing about love, they were writing about religion.
L-
Then, I’m not sure I know the difference. “Forlorn! The very word is like a
bell, tolling me back from thee to my sole self!” What’s the next line?
T-
I can’t remember.
L-
Liar.
T-
“Anybody can make a big romantic gesture. The question is, what happens after?”
Do you remember? Do you remember what you said to me that night?
L-
Yeah, I remember everything.
T-
So, what did you say?
L-
I said it was the perfect night.
T-
You said it was the perfect night.
L-
So?
T-
So? How do I top that?
L-
We had so much fun!
T-
We had so much fun!
L-
So what’s the problem with that?
T-
The problem is every time we had one of these amazing nights, I would wake up
the next morning in a freaking panic! So why don’t we spare each other a life
of disappointment and get with somebody else?
L-
That’s the weakest excuse I’ve ever heard! Just say it! Just say you’re in love
with Lila!
T-
Do you want me to say I want to marry you? That I will spend the next 50 years
regretting this very moment?
L-
You inspired me!
T-
You inspired me too.
L-
Then we’re supposed to be together.
T- I
know.
L-
I’m gonna go and I’m gonna tell everyone you’re okay.
T-
But I’m not, I’m not okay.
L-
You chose this.
(She
walks away).
